Woah There, 2024
The first five months of 2024 started out unusually and profoundly strong. I was feeling like I was in the best shape of my adult life, I got a promotion at work that I was striving for, and I was settled into a routine that was working for me and my family. June hit, and things took a drastic turn for the worse. In a sharp contrast to the first half of the year, the second half of 2024 has been nothing short of a disaster. It's quite possibly the lowest "low" I can remember feeling and experiencing in my adult life and after the strong start to my year, the switch has been jarring to my nervous system.

For the first time in my life, there have been mornings where I don't want to open my eyes--where I truly dread the day starting. I feel like I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, and drop it does! Just when I think things can't get any worse, my family and I are hit with another shit storm. Recent events have brought a flood of tears to my eyes. They have turned me into a prayng woman again. They have humbled me and dropped me to my knees as I beg the heavens and whatever Higher Power might be out there for things to turn around.
The icing on the top of an absolutely atrocious cake was getting an itchy and painful rash covering nearly my entire body. In the past two weeks I have been to my primary care doctor once and the Emergency Room twice because the discomfort has been unbearable (and that's saying something because my physical pain tolerance is quite high). I've missed work, I've switched every product I use to "all-natural," and I've basically sat naked in bed because it is too painful to put on clothes. I am grateful to say that IV steroids, a course of prednisone, and topical steroids all over my body seem to finally be making some progress on combating this vicious rash. The doctors aren't sure what caused it, but part of me thinks that my body just got to a point where it had enough and began to shut down. Stress can do wild things.
I do not share all of this for pity. Actually, it is quite the opposite. It is really easy to get stuck in the "Why me?" mentality when everything seems to be going wrong in life. Social media leads us to believe that everyone out there is thriving and living their best life, or at the least is hopeful and resilient through the hard times. Hell, I know I'm guilty of only putting the good stuff on social media! But through conversations with a few of the closest people in my life, I have come to the profound realization that life is hard and unfair and hurtful to absolutely everyone in one way or another--usually in more than one way! There is no way to adequately prepare for shit to hit the fan. The lows come unexpectedly and viciously and they are very, very rarely deserved.
And yet, through all of this--through our darkest days--the world keeps spinning. We get up after the hardest moments of our lives and we carry on. We get through it. It is in that realization that I am actually finding a lot of comfort. Each of us are survivors, and if I have to survive until I can thrive again, that is what I will do.
Personally, even on my worst days, I find a lot of things to be grateful for or hopeful about. It's the gentle kiss from one of my dogs or my cats purring as they flop onto my chest. It's the refreshing sip of ice-cold water from my Stanley Cup. It's the comfort I feel when I write in my journal or read a good book before bed at night. There are so many simple things that combat the darkness, and for those simple joys, I'm forever grateful.
I am so hopeful that things will turn around for me and my little family. At the very least, I'd like for the bombs to stop dropping, the shoes to stop falling, and I'd like for us to be able to settle into some semblance of "normal" again. I am hoping for life to get a little more gentle. Until then, we carry on, because that's what being human is.
Thank you for reading along, for the support, and for your patience. Lots of love to whoever may read this.
I read this again just now, and I am in tears. I know what it is like to wait for the next shoe to drop, but I am in my 70's and expect that to happen. You have been dealing with shoes dropping since you were a teenager, and drop, they have. I wish you realized how inspirational you have been to me, as your mom...and to untold others on this journey through life. You never give up, you very seldom complain, you remain positive and happy and persevere through everything that has tried to knock you down. You work hard, and play hard...all while dodging everything hard that life throws at you! You are resilient, and in my eyes...…
Love you my sweet friend. -Maddie damn Bell